5:2 Diet

So this is Day 23 of this years first serious attempt at dieting.

I have wanted to be "normal" for years, fit and active and "buff"

So in common with most years have started this diet, thanks to a recommendation on a wonderful self-sufficiency website!

I read a couple of books and started with OH.

The basic premise is you fast for two days a week only eating 1/4 of your normally needed calories, this means over the course of a week you loose weight and don't starve, and you actually do your health allot of good as our bodies are designed not to eat all the time, and the time off allows the body to mend itself, instead of making poo, and the like!

So I did 2 days the first week, but started to control and record all calories, then three the 2nd and third week, and this week, my 4th week, I will do two fast days.

So far I have lost 12.6lb!

So hopefully in 4 weeks 1 whole lovely fat stone!

Which is nice.

The main difference really for me is cutting down drinking to 2 or 3 nights a week, when you record your calories it amazing how much 4 pints of cider and a bottle of wine is ( it's 1800 calories, or 1/2 lb of FAT if you are interested!)

It's spurned me on to get out in the garden as well, and I have been doing okay with getting things straighter for the Spring, which is coming, I am assured.

The web site  http://www.myfitnesspal.com/ is excellent for tracking your food, and exercise calories.

I took pictures a couple of weeks ago, you know fat lad in a mirror! Class.

Other than that, things are good. OH is working nights this week, DS has his first Guitar lesson at school, DD is recovering from a major bollocking over her attitude, and we booked a Holiday to Playa Del Ingles in Gran Canaria in August! A week in a two bed self catering apartment with the kids. This will be the first time we have been abroad with them, when they can both walk! Really looking forward to it, 24 weeks, and a great focus to make my target weight loss of 68lb of FAT!!!

It's all about the food at the minute!

My Dad is recovering from a Hip Operation 3 weeks ago, and is still pretty poorly, which is a worry.

I'll update the weigh in information next week.

Feel free to leave a comment.

The past is a foreign country...........

Background Story for Boboff

Well, for those that are interested I thought I might outline a bit about me, where I am from, who I am, that sort of thing.

I am not really sure or comfortable or really content with sharing too much information on a Public Blog, as it is just that public. But this stares looking aggressively and non plused at the face of me wanting to be held up as the most funny and clever writer since Dickens. So it is with that mind I will try and draft a little bit of background.

To understand me as I would wish an employer or father of a girlfriend to understand me....

Born in 1970 in Plymouth, moved to Bristol at 14 and Bath when 18. Following A-Levels and a failed attempt to fly Jets in the RAF, started training as a Certified Accountant in a rural practice. Made good progress in accountancy examinations and qualified in 1992 with all first time passes. Spent another 2 years in practice then joined a Salmon Smokery as Administration Manager. Oversaw rapid financial growth in the business, putting in place various systems and procedures, covering not only Financial controls, including Profit Related pay and writing bespoke software for marginal costing, profitability, cash flow and production planning, but also Investors in People, Food Hygiene and quality practices to British Retail Consortium standard.

In 1995 was promoted to Finance Director and took a lead role in a number of acquisitions in London, Cornwall, and Devon. In 1997 took the Managing Director role of a Food Gift Business in Ivybridge in Devon and oversaw the complete redevelopment of the business and premises, achieving Investors in People, and other training awards, as well as gaining business and technical approval from Tesco, Safeway, Debenhams, BHS, Sainsbury’s and many other large national wholesalers. Spearheaded research and development into various aspects of Heat processing of Bottled food products.

Married to Mrs B 1999, DD born in 2000, DS in 2002.

During the period from 1995 I also developed over 15 rental units privately, being a selection of bedsits, flats, and houses. Fortunately all but 3 were sold before the recent downturn in the market.

In 2004 the Salmon Smokery lost a large account and was closed in a structured manner. With the loss of a £10 million turnover business from the group, and the loss of motivation from the owner, I was instrumental in executing a Merger with a similar sized Food business in Bridport. At this point I became a shareholder. Following 2 years growing the combined business, including a further acquisition in Grimsby, and also an 18 month stint running a Pub in Stoke, in Plymouth, we moved to Gunnislake in 2005.

2006 saw a real down turn in business and the merged business was not going to be sustainable moving forward, so the business was taken over by the Bridport based company. A year of working for someone again, and my wife being accepted into University, to train as a nurse, meant in 2007 I gave up work, to be a full time carer, and adopt the “good life” on our 11 acre small holding. To date we have had Pigs, Chickens, Quail and Turkey.

In 2008 I started as Governor of the kids school, and took on a voluntary role as a treasurer of a learning centre which housed a Pre-School and a Chidlrens Centre. I also started working from home for a Food Wholesaler in Cornwall as an accountant.

In 2010 Mr B qualified as a Nurse and began working in a local Hospital.

During 2012 I finished my term as a governor and resigned from my role with the Wholesaler to concentrate on planting a Forest Garden at home. At this time I also volunteered to be a treasurer for a local group promoting food grown locally.

I have now been a stay at home Dad for five and a half years and I learnt an enormous amount about what is important in life other than work.

Me as I really am.............

I am a bit of a depressive actually and I struggle with self confidence, self belief and being frankly fucking fed up. I drink too much, smoke, and I am overweight.

Being a Fat Ginger Four eyed twat with Freckles is kind of my life's work!

I am constantly thinking and trying to change my life to some Utopian view of what I should be, and then failing.

This is what I should be.

Woke up this morning and I felt that all in my life was fantastic. Everything I wanted I had, and I had a very clear idea of what it was I wanted to do for the rest of my time, and it would make me really happy every day. I would not drink anymore.

What would this future look like then? Well it would see me outside working hard, sweating, laughing, enjoying myself and being productive. Having time for people, loving my family and providing for them. I would be respected for what I did, and looked to for help and advice when needed. People would see that I was happy and contented with my lot. I would not engage in frivolous past times, such as facebook and games, but instead would read and educate myself in many different things. These would include self help, CBT, history, Horticulture and medicinal uses for herbs.

I would be fit and active, I would do sports and go to the gym. I would have pleasures outside which included swimming, cinema, theatre, travel, holidays, walks, photography.

I would be active in volunteering at school and in the community, this would involve Am Dram stuff, public speaking, debating, or even local politics.

I would spend time with counsellors, talking about things, and learning what it was that has motivated me in the past, and also what has led me to drink in the past. I would study this area of counselling and over time try and educate myself formally into this area.

I would have a great tidy garden, which was beautiful and productive. It would produce allot of fresh food for the house, the speciality kind of fresh fruit and veg. It would produce a good income from selling plants, seeds and cuttings, jams, chutneys and juices. It would hold space for accommodation of tents in the summer for extra income.

I would have a knowledge of Web sites, and how to design them, and would set up my own web site to promote the activities at Home.

I would have travel plans at least a year in advance which would actually happen, and would broaden my mind and increase my interests in other places.

I wouldn’t need a drink.

I would be happy and contented, fit and active, healthy and interesting, interested.

I would also learn to play music, read music, make music.

I would continue to develop cooking skills and house keeping skills.

I would start to formulate ideas for writing, start writing and eventually get published for writing either fiction, how to guides, or comedy of some form.

I would over time establish a teaching and counselling centre at Home which would marry counselling, country crafts, horticulture, green credentials, and self sufficiency and sustainability. This would be hands on and also offer cookery and preserving courses.

I would get help with all this and things would get bigger and better, I would then look at making the woods a community charity for development of Sustainable Forest Garden principles. This would mean access to funding

I would not drink, smoke, work for anyone else, feel like shit all the time. I would have energy and motivation, and I would not feel ill, and lethargic.

See the boy has a dream!

Trouble is that it is very hard, I can't be arsed most of the time, and things like kids and family and all that get in the way.

I think though that this should give you a pretty good idea of who I was, and what I want to be, and that, my friend is where we are now. I think really that I am an all rounder, good at most things, not brilliant at anything in particular.

Oh, that reminds me of a couple of things.

The first one was a comment made by one of those personality tests we had done as a Board of Directors back in the day, it was something like Boboff will make difficult decisions and then work his tits off to make sure that it works, to prove he made the right decision. You see that WAS me, I would make decisions all the time, it was what I was good at, but I would then work to the exclusion of happiness, family etc to make things a success. It was a balanced way of living.

Secondly, are you bored yet? I would be, but that's more to do with the undiagnosed ADHD I have. Well, might have, probably have, I just made coffee, oh look the suns out. Anyway, secondly, I once had a hand writing analysis done, and this is what it said.

"This is a quick thinking man, who thinks ahead, but whose thoughts can sometimes be muddled and inconsistent. This man has a tendency to feelings of depression at times. He is protective of inner feelings - a private man.

He is a high-flyer with energy and drive. He spends time on preparation, is patient and thorough. His energy is often released through physical exercise."

You see, it's either all crap, or we all want to believe that we are something better than perhaps we are.

So there you go, I want to continue to Blog, to put out there a little of what it's like to be me and live my life. To record in a way, "the journey"

Getting to 42 has been something really, I am a success by many measures, house, family, money, investment income, basically retired at 36. But by my own measure I still fall far short of the mark.  

I suppose this is a time where I could try and tell you why I am like I am and give it large about only getting two roast potatoes at a Bernie Inn in 1975, but do you know what? That really is just bollocks, and that is the main thing I have learnt in the time since stepping off of the tread mill.

L P Hartley got it just about right

"The past is a foreign country, they do things differently there"

 See Four Eyed Ginger Twat! ( well done to those who actually noticed, ITS AUBURN!!!!!)

Failed Driving Test

I have to share this little Gem of an anecdote.

We were in the Pub on Sunday lunchtime with Jim and his wife and son, the son having just passed his driving test on the first attempt.

Well, guess who pipes up, with this little corker?

"It took me seven goes to pass my driving test"

Really, why?

"Well one time, the examiner asked me what sort of signs would you see in a country lane"

Ok, what Deer Crossing, Humped Back bridge, road narrows, that sort of thing....

"Umm, well I said Eggs and Clotted Cream for sale, and failed"

Sometimes I am not sure if it's a question of comic stupidity or just Tim Vine DVD's on a loop!

Oh and I started my diet today. Trying the 5:2 diet thing, starting out at 18st 7lb.... I am hungry!

No beer last night, and "fast" day today.

I have been reading the e-book and apparently this diet is piss easy, not only do you loose weight, but you never get Diabetes, Alzheimers, Breast cancer, and it increases the size of your penis by 6 inches! Well not the Penis thing, but it all sounds good.

Mrs B has started her diet as well, and has stopped smoking, and is starting to think about her half marathon which she is signed up to run in Plymouth in just 11 weeks.

So holiday over time to knuckle down to some serious life changing stuff.

I love that Rugby Top and long white sock and boot ensemble, Mrs B, doesn't look too keen though!

Spring is coming and I have been out three times weeding now this year, trying to do a bit more each week, but not overdo it so I get bored and fed up with it all. Good news is that my tendency for aversion or simply putting things off means all the ironing is up to date!

I have to finish weeding the back garden, strim the Raspberries, move the carpet and membrane on the River Bank, peg out membrane on top garden and on willow nursery, move the 4 tonne of mulch onto membrane, saw up logs, weed the Rhubarb, move the Box Hedge and Autumn Raspberries, from top and bottom, transplant the sweet pea bed, move the Artichokes, lawn sand the lawn, build the shed, sow out seeds in polytunnel and sow out Rhubarb bed.......

All before things start springing to life in the Spring!

Still can only do what I can be arsed to do. Looks allot in a list!

This is a picture of an Otter in the River the other day, obviously the branches mean you can't see it's an Otter but it is!

I thought the Blog would benefit from a picture or two.

You're welcome.

Ms Understanding

A Masked Ball Invitation.

Thinking back on my last post and the antics of my Friend, I think it only fair to now name her and recount a further story that she tells. For the purposes of anonimity I will call her Lizzy Bee, not her real name you understand.

Lizzy is in a long term on and off casual relationship with a man who is not the Father of her currently 17 and 15 year old Daughter and Son.

The Daughter, Rose, left home at 15 to live with the daughter of a (or should that be the?)village prostitute, following an incident where she invited 200 people to her Mums house for a party on face book, and caused £10,000 worth of damage, and left the house covered in lots of locals bodily fluids.

The 15 year old,  incidently, today, has just been put into care! Bloody shame actually he's a nice lad, but is kicking back at the "step dad" and wanting to spend all his time with his 14 year old girl friend. The fact Liz's ex husband recently moved back to the village has not helped this situation in the slightest mind. The ex is a complete and utter knobber dobber, a drunken, Napolean Complexed vicious ass hole, who delights in control and destroy behaviour. The lad, Richard, helps me sometimes on the smallholding.

We have known the family for about 4 years now, and not a month goes by when there isn't some crisis or another.

Anyway, enough of all that, they are nice people, and good friends, but have some teriffic/tragic stories to tell.

The one that I think is by far the best, was when Liz was invited to a Masked Ball, by one of her firends that they go Diving with. It was a posh hotel in South Devon, the venue of this highlight of the Social calender, was decorated to look like a Regency Palace, and all the people attending wore decorated dresses, pearls and precious stones, the men in morning suits and dashing cumerbands, all clutching dainty masks to hide there appearance.

Liz, her partner, Phil, and Richard arrived a bit late, and did not see anyone they knew when arriving at the Hotel Reception. They got directions to the function suite, and recieved some very odd looks from the service staff. Liz got to the room first, and hearing the pleasing notes of a slow waltz eminating from the room, she looked at Phil, smiled, and with some gusto pushed open the door.

The blank looks of shock, then the inevitable pearls of laughter that followed on the faces of the friends at the party, combined with the double takes from Liz and Phil, assessing all the other party goers frocks and suits, in comparison with there rather more colourfull fancy dress items, must have been a picture.

Liz you see, not understanding the nature of a masked balls dress requirement, had taken the invite quite literally and dressed herself as Robin, Phil as Batman, and Richard, or more approriately Dick, as he felt, as Zoro!

Well they were all wearing masks.............

Christmas, a Time of Charity

Twas the week before Christmas.

I have to relay a wonderful story a friend told me. A group of old school friends now in their mid 40's often take advantage of a family members discount on the trains to take a shopping trip to London in the run up to Christmas. This week on Wednesday the four ladies assembled in Plymouth train station with Panatone, wine, crisps and cakes to enjoy the journey up. The trip passed with good food and conversation and on arriving at Paddington a whole Panatone had been left uneaten. My Friend said she hated waste and that they should carry the cake until they found someone homeless to feed it too. In testament to the wonderfull state of the economy, 3 hours later they were still carrying around the perspective gift.

Turning back into Oxford Street my Friend saw a bearded and deshevelled looking man, picking up a coffee from the top of a bin, he drank it and put it in the bin. So seazing her opporunity to do good she grabbed the bag from her friend, who had been carrying it and paying the price for her friends expectant generousity, and shuved it in front of the "tramp" The man looked at her, picked up his collection of expensive designer bags which he had just purchased and told her to "fuck off" My Friends friends were in hysterics as they had all seen the man drop his bags to finish his coffee and dispose of the waste.

Broken but not beaten, she took the Italian cake in hand and marched off towards the tube station, where she was glad to see a young man with a dog, sat on an old coat, begging. The young man reminded her of her own 15 year old son, who has recently decided to leave living with his Mum and go and stay with her ex-husband, which was upsetting for her, and the main topic of the conversation on the trip. So with a tear in her eye, and a gladness that she could help, and learning from her previous spurned silent advances, she walked up to the boy and asked whether he would like the Panatone? He gladly took it and the friends walked away smug in the knowledge they had shared a wonderfull speciality sweet bread product with a member of the homeless community. My Friend, gritting her teeth, told her friends they must not look back at the homeless guy, she said that often you saw them "shooting up or sommit and you don't want to see that"

A few paces further along, and one of her friends could not resist, and took a furtive glance behind her, only to see the young chap take the cake out, sniff it, make a face and give it to the dog to eat!

A lesson in life, like business, the first waste bin is the best waste bin. Why do rich people in London choose to dress like tramps, and why do tramps only like food thats already been thrown away?

Annoying me today????

Well I starts cleaning up and takes the compost out the garden, comes in get the Hoover and starts a vacuuming in the front room, all going nicely till I sees mud on the hoover hose, I clean it off and it smell of shit, I check my shoes and there is a leaf and some mud stuck on it, I cleans that off and it smell of shit, oh my  I says, thats shit, so i look back at my carpet and there are splots of shit all over it, I burned the cloth in the fire and went outside to clean my shoes off, noticing as I went back to the back door lots of splodges of shit on the floor, I was a bit annoyed. So outside I am cleaning off my shoes, and notice some toilet paper around the man hole, a sure sign I got a blockage in me septic regions. Turns out I was right, I got a house full of shit splodges and a patio covered in shit, and a septic tank full to burstin of shit, tampax and fat deposits!
Anyway, 3 hours later the tank is flowing well, and I am just about to mop up the last of the shit on the floor.
I can still smell shit on my fingers however, even after washing them repeatedly and dousing myself in Alchol Hand Sainitiser!
I blammed the dog and the daughter for these two unreated incidents.
Shit Blog.....done.

First Blog

So there is a way of setting up a blog, that is quick and easy and can be done when you should be getting ready to go out.

Thats nice.

I think this is the best name for a Gay Bar ever, and I am not even sure that is what it is. It's been open since 1 minute to seven as well!